spankedbyspike: (SbS)
[personal profile] spankedbyspike
I was . . . certainly a broken soul as much as a broken man when the Mark of Cain was trusted upon myself.

I am . . . not ashamed of where my priorities lie... with Sammy, with Castiel, with those we saved along the way.

I think . . . that if my father was alive today, his brand of discipline would have helped me, more than alcohol, more than nightly hookups, more than the self-pity I am drowning in. It would have given me an outlet for the rage of not completing a task, saving a life, screwing up a world that really didn't need it to, and giving me the forgiveness no one takes the time to bestow on me nowadays.

I wonder . . . if today will be the day I'll stop caring. The day the revenge that I deserve to get and the exhaustion of seeing how greedy, corrupt and self-serving some people are, will be the one where I will fully embrace Cain, reach into my teaching into the hands of Alastair and start a reign of terror, right here, under everyone's feet.

I wish . . . that I had more time to figure out how to stop Sammy from leaving for Stanford. I wish that my parents never met Azazel. I wish that Ellen and Jo, Bobby and Pastor Jim, Lisa and Ben and so many more could see a universe that thanked them for the kindness they brought to it and yes to me.

I save . . . my thoughts under stupid puns, many beers and sometimes even gluttony; I wouldn't want Sam to know them and to realize how close to the surface they are, and how easily they are underlined by powerful emotions. Something to hide under any circumstance...

I always . . . will put Sam first, he may hate it, despise me for it, vent by telling me enough hurtful things to fill a bucket in Hell and still I will always put his well being first.

I can't imagine . . . a world without him, without his ever-present bulk in the car, the hotel, the bunker...

I believe . . . mistakes were made, hopes were raised and ultimately I was just a part of a not so well-oiled machine. One that impose on our world a Faith like determination, keeping all humans as the peons they are, playing their part, barely making a dent in this cosmos Added to neither the naughty nor the nice llist, but being played at all times by higher powers, lower demons...

I promise . . . to always be true to myself, to the boy that tried so hard to emulate John Winchester, hunter extraordinaire; the man willing to emulate Sam, exceptional researcher and sole family member, and even Castiel, otherworldly empath that adopted us and always showed me a better way.

I love . . . with fear, with worries, with doubt and in silence; too afraid that someone will rip it apart, will destroy my little heart, will trample the things and people I hold dear. In secret, and from afar.

Based on a meme with the original prompt of "I" that you have to complete in the spirit of an SPN Character of your choice at spn_spankings

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-23 11:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milly-gal.livejournal.com
Wow, I love this, it's very intriguing and intense. You've pretty much nailed what I think Dean thinks on a lot of things :D

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-24 01:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spankedbyspike.livejournal.com
It's a good concept isn't it?

Pick a character and then fill in the blanks after the I's...

I think it plays into the complex man Dean had become in front of us, and I am quite happy to know you feel that I managed some of his traits well in this.

You should try it! Maybe do Sam or Crowley or even Dean? It's fun, I promise

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-26 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milly-gal.livejournal.com
I might, more than likely it would be Sammy, or Crowley ;) You know me so well :D

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-28 04:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spankedbyspike.livejournal.com
I'd give a lot to read your take on Crowley, there are so many different Sam it could be a whole project lol <3

Here is the Template:

I was . . .

I am . . .

I think . . .

I wonder . . .

I wish . . .

I save . . .

I always . . .

I can't imagine . . .

I believe . . .

I promise . . .

I love . . .

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-30 12:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spankedbyspike.livejournal.com
Glad you had some fun with this "I" Meme... Im trying to figure out which other character I should try now.

What about you? Did inspiration stroked you for another character?

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-02 06:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milly-gal.livejournal.com
I may do a Sammy, but I gotta get my head straight after the whole working crap this week. LONG THREE NIGHTS!

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-03 12:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spankedbyspike.livejournal.com
My gosh! Are you in the Medical Field? A Firewoman? Police? How can you sleep with such a schedule?

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-03 07:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milly-gal.livejournal.com
I'm a carer in a nursing home :) I get about four-five hours on a Tuesday and Wednesday in the day then three on a Thursday.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-23 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] suprnaturalgirl.livejournal.com
Wow! You got Dean down to a tee. Great job! I loved it.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-24 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spankedbyspike.livejournal.com
Wonderful... It's fantastic that you enjoyed this little contribution to fandom and even better that you took a moment to comment... It keeps it all so worthwhile!

I am happy you enjoyed this Dean.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-28 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jj1564.livejournal.com
You really nailed Dean's character here, the last one especially is so very him.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-29 02:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spankedbyspike.livejournal.com
Thanks so much... It's been ages since we talked :)

I had a hard time associating the word LOVE with any of the Winchester because their lives had been such a mess so, I am quite glad you found this to be a good answer in that context.

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-30 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jj1564.livejournal.com
You're very welcome, is it okay if I friend you?

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-30 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spankedbyspike.livejournal.com
Of course, it's okay. I'd love to be friend :)

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-30 06:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jj1564.livejournal.com
Cheers, I always like to ask first! :)
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